Feeling worthy in the middle of the chaos
"What the heck is going on? How did things end up this way? I mean, I am a smart cookie! I should be able to handle this!"
Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.
When did trying to create a simple and fulfilling life of work, family and fun get to be so darn complicated? It seems like for every step I take trying to move forward, two more things dart out in front of my feet causing me to juke to the left like a Saints running-back.
Take heart, my friend. I don't know a single Mom who doesn't feel the same way at least some of the time. But, I believe we are all smart cookies and there is a way to move forward without letting the worries and self-defeating beliefs get the best of us.
In fact, after a decade or two of working and parenting in this world, I have become to be sure of three things:
- Mom's are smart cookies. We often have an idea of what is works best for our kids. I mean, we are the only ones that live with them day in and day out and see how they react to things. Sometimes, though, what we see is heavily affected by their reaction to us. So, we have to find ways to delineate what influences we have in the situation so that our kids can grow and succeed without our own baggage holding them back.
- Emotions and kids are inseparable, and emotions can be deceiving little devils. One of my favorite quotes says that having kids is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body into the world. That image resonates with me. When my kid is faced with an obstacle or behaves in a certain way, it triggers my anxiety, my fear, or my grief. And when I get caught up in those emotions, I can make decisions less than worthy of a smart cookie. I know that I often need the sounding board of a good friend to help me see a better path to take.
- I also thank my girl, Maya Angelou, for reminding me that when we know better, we do better. Whew! What grace that idea has given me. I can't go on holding on to grudges and regret for past decisions. And I have to extend that grace to my kids as well. When I realize that my child and I are enmeshed in a unproductive pattern, I have to find a way to back up and negotiate a new pattern if I want different results.
Are you feeling stuck in unproductive patterns? Do you wish you could find an objective and warm relationship to help you figure a few things out? I offer a place of respite and compassion for overwhelmed moms, and the best part is that I offer it in the most convenient way! I love seeing clients online because you can fit in time for yourself between school drop offs and church group pick ups. Seriously, it’s the best.
Lisa Williams, LCSW is a social worker in Louisiana who helps Moms find their sense of purpose and find a sense of peace about the state of their current lives through online sessions. www.LisaWilliamsLCSW.com